my blackbird...or what the heart knows

friday evening just as twilight was setting upon us we noticed a sweet little blackbird in the garden. it was just sitting there under the geraniums peering out at us with its bright black eyes. probably curious, listening to the boys squeal as we ran around playing "poison ball" before heading in for our friday night pizza dinner.

those eyes were eternal. black as black and on fire. blackbirds have always stirred something in me. the darkness that is rarely allowed to see the light, it leapt forth and said, "hey! friend! i know you. have you come to give me my wings?" i think it smiled at me at that moment. oh how i wanted it to sing and carry me away on a single note. i would follow that song anywhere. but it didn't.

the next day we saw it again. at times hopping around, pecking the ground...what was it looking for? as the day went on it became clear that our garden would be the final resting place for this small, sweet creature. it was not well. why did it choose our garden? what truth was it seeking? or revealing to us?

as the day went on and grew weaker so did my brave little friend. it began to fade into the gloaming with the remaining daylight. before going into the house i refilled its bowl of water. it hopped over next to me and took a drink then hopped back to his geranium bush. he was barely a shadow.

why is it there are certain connections that we cannot explain? scarcely even endure. it almost seems cruel doesn't it? to connect, to love so thoroughly, blindly and then loose it all in an instant. what are those moments meant to reveal to us?

sometime last night he passed over. i know he went bravely through the gateway and beyond. his heart forged of earth, air, fire and water never waivered a moment. he just went.

i found him this morning...black eyes sunken, feathers dull and faded. he had flown. i carefully picked him up and wrapped him in cloth. the sage is flowering right now and the little purple flowers seemed just right for him...i thought. so i picked a handfull and placed them on the little mound of earth that held him. under his geraniums.

and tonight i thought i heard him singing